When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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