He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
