He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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