also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Randomize
