she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
