I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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