And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this will be a night to untag.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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