This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
