if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
