Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
