apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
