Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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