that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am available for nakedness
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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