I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
