Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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