Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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