OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
