When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize