Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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