Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
