your parents love me but you hate me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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