You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize