I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
