hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
