Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
being pregnant is like rehab
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
