I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
