you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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