oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize