the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
