I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
