im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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