We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
