garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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