who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
