Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
