I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
