Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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