is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
