i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
