I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
