I think I died a long time ago.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We need to get me chipped asap
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize