I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
