Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
