3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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