So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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