so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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