i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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