it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
