Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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