no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
