My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
