then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
