we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
