He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
