Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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