theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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