I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
