How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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