I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
