Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
