I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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